The Blog

What I am not

So I went to check out a bdsm studio the other day. Because I am seriously interested to go be a professional dominant. I came in, had a chat with the owner, a lovely lady who obviously took pride in her work. I had a small tour of the place and it was an awesome studio. Well decorated and well stocked on equipment.

We talked about the more practical stuff about if I would be starting there. That I could start with a day in the weekend. But I had to do my own marketing. All pretty valid points. Even the money and distance part wasn’t bad or discouraging.

What just didn’t sit with me right is the fact that she said that I would need to be more over the top. More the typical strict mistress in a pretty shiny outfit.
That would mean that I wouldn’t be myself. I would be a different persona. I would be playing a part. I’m not some strict mistress in shiny latex yelling commands at a groveling sub.

Hell no.

I am not that kind of person. I will not change who I am. I get the concept that it’s your job and with a job you have to act a certain way and be nice to people you’re usually not nice to. Or the other way around in this case. But doing that, for me, part of the experience is lost. Part of the magic is gone. Part of the chemistry would be gone.

So that got me wondering. I wondered if there are professional dominants out there that are like me. No screaming, no bitchyness, no getting all dolled up and dressed pretty for the submissive. Just being yourself, enjoying it all.


I am not a dominant who needs clothing to assert her dominance. I can be dominant naked or in a baggy pants and sweater just as good.

I am not someone who asserts her dominance by screaming and being bitchy.

I am not someone who plays her part and portrays herself differently than she is.


I am a caring person.

I am who I am, no matter what I wear.

I am proud of my dominance, the way I do things.

I am not ashamed of myself

I am happy with my life and the relationships in it.


But I certainly wouldn’t mind giving being a professional dominant a try, as long as I can still be me.


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Got something to say? Feel free, I want to hear from you! Leave a Comment

  1. Ssleter says:

    Hell yeah, be yourself 😉

  2. I wouldn’t feel comfortable in changing myself and not being myself either. That said and knowing your longtime desire to be a professional dominant, I wonder whether there aren’t other ways in which you can do it. Two things come to mind: 1) Go for this job, do what she expects of you and then gradually change back to yourself after you have built up a customer base or 2) Try to start something for yourself where you can always be yourself. With both options you have to do your own marketing anyway.

    Just some thoughts…

    Rebel xox

  3. Jim says:

    Obviously, I don’t know all the details of your proposed financial arrangement for this situaition. But if you are responsible for your own marketing, why would you tailor the way you are to someone else’s view?

    I am certain that a vibrant market exists for the kind of dominant you prefer to be. Perhaps she does not yet understand. Perhaps you should just show her. She will probably consider you to be a trendsetter!

  4. Hell yeah. You are who you are – and you should never, ever be someone else, especially not because you feel like you ought to.

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