All posts by Rose

Slut-shaming by Urban Dictionary – “An unfortunate phenomenon in which people degrade or mock a woman because she enjoys having sex, has sex a lot, or may even just be rumored to participate in sexual activity.”

Slut-shaming, also known as slut-bashing, is the idea of shaming and/or attacking a woman or a girl for being sexual, having one or more sexual partners, acknowledging sexual feelings, and/or acting on sexual feelings.

If you would go by those standards, yes you could call me a slut. If you’re that shallow and ignorant, be my guest. Personally, apart from a few men on Twitter who called me a slut for saying ‘no I don’t want to follow you and for you to DM me without asking, fuck off to them’, I never had any trouble or comments on my lifestyle. That’s mostly because I keep my face hidden online but if it had no consequences for my career I would have have no problem showing my face. It’s unfortunate that it has to be that way but that sadly is the way things are.

I’m sure we all remember news stories about women that lost their jobs because (half) naked pictures turned up from their past. I can understand the shock but losing your job over something like that is appalling and wrong. Even in a liberal and sex friendly country as the Netherlands it happens. We do have one of the most awesome shows on television that not only looks into anything sex related but also drugs called ‘Spuiten en Slikken’ (Shoot and Swallow). It is a wonderful program that literally will talk about anything and they have nothing they won’t cover. On of the things I clearly remember is that one of our top female gymnasts, Verona van der Leur got a lot of comments in the media because she does adult webcamming now. She got a lot of comments and critique and that is just with showing off her body on cam, not even having sex. If I would have a career as a sex worker, I would have no problem with showing my face. In that show she was treated as a normal human being and the hosts were genuinely curious about her choices. I admit that the hosts can be a little ignorant at times but they are open minded and willing to learn.

Sadly it also depends on in which country you are, how harsh people can be. In the Netherlands it is legal to be a prostitute and to work together in a brothel.  There always will be people opposing payed sex but it is accepted that it happens. Personally I have no problem at all with any kind of sex work and I think a person should not be judged by what he or she does for a living. In America it varies per state what is legal and what it not but in the most of America it is illegal to be a prostitute. Doing a little research I found out that this is the same in Australia. Escort agencies like this one and this one are legal but they have to be registered and are regulated. In the west part of Australia prostitution is legal but brothels are not so that’s a lot like the situation.

Looking at this map you can see how few countries actually have legalized prostitution. The green indicates the countries that legalized and regulated prostitution, blue indicates prostitution is legal but any form of organization is illegal and it is not regulated, red indicates that prostitution is illegal and grey is unknown. What I find most upsetting here is the amount of countries that have legalized prostitution but any kind of organization is illegal. In my eyes that is stupid because it’s safer to be within a group instead of being out there on your own.

But anyway I digress, I mentioned it because the media is always cruel when it comes to mentioning prostitutes in the media. If something happens to them that is newsworthy they always refer to them as prostitutes instead of a woman or a mother. If you pay attention to it in the newspaper you will see that most of the journalists put extra emphasis on prostitutes and usually in a negative manner as well.

Another sad thing about it is that there is a double standard. If a guy has sex and loves it, it’s normal but if a woman does, it’s slutty and promiscuous all of a sudden. I’m comfortable with my sexuality and I love sex. I love being a tease and I love to flirt. It’s in my nature and even though I love it, it does not make me a slut. Not like that anyway, the only time I don’t mind hearing slut, is with dirty talk. Otherwise I don’t like being called a slut, especially from a passing car, being yelled out of a window.

Yes that has happened to me, and it is not a pleasant experience. Of course I know they probably meant it as a joke and did it for ‘fun’ but it’s very low in my eyes. People who do that are cowards who have no clue how they contribute to a image for woman that isn’t exactly positive. Women should be comfortable with how they wear and not be punished for wanting to feel sexy. Personally I feel sexy if I get to show off my curves but in my ‘normal’ clothes I feel sexy as well. A woman should never feel ashamed of herself. No matter what she wears or does, so slut-shamers; shame on you.

Disclaimer: this is a sponsored post but this contains my personal views.