All posts in Experiences

Sex and ADD

As some of you might know or might have read, I have ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder). This means for me that I get really easily distracted and some things can be more of a challenge. Crowds tricky are for me because at some point I will have hit my information overflow moment and I need some peace and quiet. Usually my body will tell me this by making me cry, thanks body, for that mechanism. This is because I can’t filter my input. Normally people can filter what they want to hear/see/smell but I can’t. This means when I’m in an area where there are all kinds of different sounds and impressions, I can only take so much before I need to get away from it. For instance when you’re talking to someone one on one, you generally focus on them. For me that takes a lot of effort to follow the conversation because at the same time I hear that car pass in the distance, see someone walking past, and so on. Why am I telling this you ask? Well it can be hard sometimes to understand something that ‘normal’ people can’t see. If you want a more detailed explanation, you can read this brilliant post

Anyway, I was going to talk about sex and ADD. Sex for me is a really tricky thing. I can enjoy it but I don’t come from it. Masturbating even in front of the bf is already really hard for me because it requires a lot of focus for me. If my mind goes and wander, no orgasm will happen. I’ve even had it with masturbating on my own that my mind just couldn’t focus enough to make it happen. So for me, orgasms mostly happen on my own, while masturbating, reading porn while laying in bed, face down grinding into my Doxy. And that’s okay. I’m very happy that I’m at least able to come on my own.

This also means that sometimes I get bored during sex. Or think about something completely non sexy. Like things that need to be done or shopping lists. And if course with that, my sexy mood goes down the drain. Not to mention it is hard to get in the mood in the first place. So yes it can get silly quickly. My excitement and my ability to stay in the mood, all comes from my brains. It is not my body that needs stimulating, it is my brain. This is why I find it important to be with someone that excites my brain. If you can do that, my body will follow. But still, only for so long.

For instance, I had sex once with a guy while Indiana Jones, Temple of Doom was on in the background. And I can say, all that screaming, is quite distracting.

Because of this, my interest for sex isn’t that strong. For me cuddling and petting is something way more interesting and more of a bonding experience. Plus, especially with new partners, it can be less frustrating. Don’t get me wrong, I do like sex. It just can be awkward and boring at times. I can be a steaming, sopping mess, but just one random thought and my mood concentration can be broken. I do so love exploring a new partner’s body and learning all about the noises and little things they do when having sex. But a lot of the time, I’m just thinking ‘Come already and get it over with, I’m bored and just want to cuddle.’

My affinity for kink is a good way for me to make things more interesting. I like a lot of different things and these make the possible options of things I could do with a partner very exciting.

My love for tease and denial is a great way to incorporate something sexual into kink. I love it, seeing how turned on I can get by turning on someone else and denying them. I just love the control, partially because I don’t have much control over my own body (especially the brain part) but also because I just love to be in control. Yes that might be my controlfreak part.

For me, kink gives me another way of expressing myself, without the extra pressure of anything sexual. It’s great to be able to play with someone, without the pressure of a sexual undertone. Of course, I don’t mind sexual play either but it needs to be clear from the start. Especially because it’s less interesting to me to have actual sex combined with kink.

As a little bonus you actually managed to read it all. Here’s part of the possible brain/vagina conversation that started of with me thinking ‘OMG, he’s too wide.’ during sex. After sex, I told him… and this came out. Needless to say, I couldn’t stop laughing.

Okay nervous system, send this to brain.

Dear brain, WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?

Sincerely Vagina.

Dear Vagina,

It seemed like a good idea at the time. And well, we have a lot of faith in you. You do good things and we know you can rise to a challenge.

We look forward to working with you again soon.

Dear Brain,

Seriously?!

There are going to be some changes around here. First of all we get full veto of anything that gets put anywhere NEAR us. And we are teaming up with ass now because it’s pretty worried about the new developments too.

Seriously, that was messed up

Dear Vagina,

That was a long time ago, now you have to let this go.

Also, SQUIRREL!

Review: She Makes The Rules

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When I heard about She Makes The Rules (SMTH) and that it was all about Female Led Relationships (FLR) I was really curious about reading it because it is something that interests me greatly.

When I first saw the index of what was contained in this book, I already got excited. Lots of fun things and lots of information, my favorite! The writing style is also very fun and it is good to read.

I had lots of giggles on numerous occasions and if you take your time reading all the footnotes you will definitely find some funny things in there.

The set up of the book is quite simple but very informative. It is both good for people who don’t know much about the subject, and those already more knowledgeable.

The book treats the different kinds of FLR there are and debunks some myths about them along the way. There is quite a bit of information you can use to make a existing relationship work better or to carefully start one.

Everything is written very clearly and it is very good to read. One of the things that is very recognizable is are the unofficial FLR relationships. FLR is everywhere, even when you might not realize it. Who knows, you might be in one and not have realized it!

Regarding a lot of topics and for me already basic things I agree with Nookie. For instance about how important trust and communication are. These are for me very logical things but might not be as self explanatory if you are just starting out.

Reading it definitely gave me some new insights, tips, tools and handles on how I would like to have a FLR. Very recommendable for beginners to the subject but also for those who are not so new anymore. There are plenty of different things you can pick up or who knows, you might get some good inspiration for naughty, naughty things. I know I did. 😉

You can go over to Nookie her site and have a look yourself what kind of interesting things topics will be discussed, enjoy!

Review: Doxy Massager

At Eroticon I got my hands on a wonderful Doxy massager and I must say I couldn’t wait to get home and find out if it can make me orgasm or not.

The Doxy is made in the UK and lucky for me they also make them with an EU socket so I didn’t have to worry about sockets and such. My first impression after seeing it in person was: ‘ wow that thing is huge.’ Yes really. I have an eroscillator and next to it, it looks enormous. It comes in a nice cardboard box that fits it nicely and makes you think it is even bigger. But it’s not all about size. With the Doxy it is all about vibrations and very strong ones that is. With tested it a few times and I must say after the Doxy, my regular go to toy seems awfully weak. Make sure if you use it, it’s the last thing you want to use because everything else will seem weak.

The Doxy has three buttons on it and it is easy to navigate them. Next to the low to high settings there also is a pulse setting what you can use and you can also vary that with the plus and minus buttons just like you can adjust the strength in the normal settings.

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When I tried the pulse setting, I liked it but it can get too much when it peaks. The pulse you can set in how quick it pulses but it always goes to the highest setting at the peak of the pulse.

A good thing about the Doxy is that you don’t have to worry about batteries because you can just plug it in and the very long cord will give you plenty of range.

The head of the Doxy is made of a material the feels nice and when dry it gives you a nice amount of friction. I have only used it through my panties because I like to have that friction and it is nice to not have the vibrations directly on your clit. You can also use it directly through clothing because it certainly is strong enough to still get the desired effect.

The downside of the head is, if you want to travel with the Doxy, you need to be careful with it and wrap it properly. It would have been perfect if there was a cap for it because it gets easily marked if you travel with it. And the cardboard box it comes in is quite bulky and not really ideal to travel with.

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The other thing that can be a downside of the Doxy is the noise. It certainly is not ideal you want to be discreet and you have the Doxy on high. It makes quite a bit of noise, especially if it touches something else then your body. For me for instance, the matras resonates quite a bit and it can be heard in the next room even with it on low. Of course this is due to having so much power, if it’s stronger, it is bound to be more noisey.

After *thoroughly* testing the Doxy, I can say it is one of the very few toys that can make me come and currently resides in my collection of two go-to toys when I’m masturbating. And that is a good thing because a lot of toys can get uncomfortable really quickly. Especially when you masturbate grinding into the toy. So yes, I love it and definitely a keeper!

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Meet Barney!

Dominant

I identify as a kinkster as it’s one of the wider terms out there without pinning you down. Technically I’m a switch yes but there is much more to it. At the moment I’m mostly dominant because that side is more appealing to me currently so I do nothing with my submissive side. You could say that I enjoy being a female dominant but again so much more to it. The way I usually describe myself is sweet, with a sadistic side. I have heard the phrase ‘but you’re so innocent and sweet looking’ plenty of times. Just because I’m a dominant woman, doesn’t automatically mean I’m a bitch. Sure, I can be one but I’m not one all the time. I’m even described as too sweet sometimes. So it can come as quite a shock if someone finds out about my kinky side. And yes their faces are quite amusing to watch when they do.

Being a dominant woman, I have played with the thought of becoming a professional dominant. It definitely something that appeals to me and I would be happy to explore. It would be an interesting thing to do and certainly something I would enjoy. But just like other things it would be a lot of work. I’m not shy of hard work but taking a step in a different direction can be scary sometimes.

Something I do detest though is all the instadommes (boom, suddenly you’re the perfect dominant) and scammers that are out there and think that just because they are bitchy, they are dominant and can demand gifts and money. These people don’t even care about any kind of kink and are just interested in taking your money and moving on to the next victim. You won’t get anything in return apart from regret.

I have met many submissive men in chat rooms but I’ve found that the more grounded and ‘normal’ they are, the better. It is better to spend your money on a professional, whether it be an escort or dominant, than waste it on someone you don’t even get anything but bitchyness back from. You may be submissive but that doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to have standards.

Being a professional is called professional for a reason, because it’s something you do for a living and you put in a lot of hard work. Besides the professionals there are the lifestyle financial dominants, they are out there yes. So no, not every non professional financial dominant is someone that is after your money. Even though I can and can’t understand certain aspects of financial domination and why people do it, I accept that it is there. But if I would do it, it is not the most important thing there is. Making sure the submissive is taken care of would be my first priority. Sure, it’s great to get gifts, but I’m not going to ask for them. Unless I have a submissive who actually is into financial domination of any kind. For instance I find a blackmail scenario quite interesting because that way you can push someones limits just a little further to see where it might lead.

The people posing as financial dominants are usually not even familiar with the more basic things within bdsm. For instance they might think financial domination is about money but it’s all about power. Many people crave that power exchange both on the dominant and on the submissive side, or even from both sides. I personally like the control I can have over a person and it’s fun to play with that. Making a submissive think one thing and do something they totally didn’t see coming is one of my favorite things. Because the faces and sounds are the best!

The more I explore, the more I enjoy my dominant side and embrace it. I can be quite shy still though around vanilla people. Having embraced kink, I’m still far from being a magnificent dominant but I always keep exploring and discovering new things about me. And this is a wonderful journey to make. There are always new kinks to explore and new people to try figure out. So who knows what will happen, I will enjoy the journey and see where it will take me.

Wicked Wednesday: Jealousy

The prompt for this Wicked Wednesday is jealousy and of course this triggered me to write because it is a tricky thing and can easily be done wrong.

Jealousy is a tricky thing when it comes to relations and especially if you are a sex blogger. And especially if you are non monogamous.

And yes having a boyfriend with that makes it even more complicated.

With me and my boyfriend it took some time to get to the stage where we are now (and my boyfriend, also wrote a good post about how it came to be) and yes there always will be some jealousy.

The question is how you handle it. Acting like a child with an overgrown toy going ‘mine,’ is not the way to go. I think everyone can see how silly that is. I find it strange when I hear people overreact just because someone else is looking at their partner. I find it a compliment.

And it took a lot of communication back and forth and a lot of time but we are in a wonderful relationship that works for both of us without having to be “territorial” over each other.

I trust him, he trusts me. It is easy as that. Plus a lot of talking (I know, talking sounds boring but it’s fun and good!) Especially being apart for quite a long time, it really shows that I do need that daily dose of snuggles and affection. For me it is interesting because it taught me that it is the little things that you miss and that even affection from another person can be nice, but not the same.

If you want to see/read more from Wicked Wednesday, click the image below.

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Eroticon 2014

So I went to Eroticon 2014. Yes! I was really happy I made it and glad I could be a part of it. First of all many thanks to all those who helped out with the costs and donated money. Every little bit helped and I’m glad to receive the donations I got. As a little thank you I’ve uploaded the full striptease video…

 

At the Eroticon meet and greet on friday night was fabulous and of course I made a promise about showing up in my pretty not hiding much dress. Walking into the lobby with the dress on, I even got applause from a random guy in the lobby… yes really. It was weird.

With a bit of double sided sticky tape I managed to keep it in place for most of the evening. Until I had to pee and discovered that I had to undo the whole bottom part again to be able to pee. Yes, not very well thought through but after that I just got the sticky bits off and kept an eye on where my dress went.

 

I loved seeing everyone again and meeting new faces. I’m bad with remembering stuff and people so I’ll refrain from mentioning people, because I’m bound to forget someone. If I have met you and talked to you, you’re lovely. I really love events like this to catch up with old friends and meet new ones. Share stories and talk about anything, because we can. And it’s the most normal thing in the world.

 

With the sessions on both Saturday and Sunday I tried to soak in as much as I could and took as much notes as I could. I didn’t really have more than one or two sessions I really wanted to go to so I went to sessions that I felt like going to. That and I caved to peer pressure once or twice because I knew that one session was going to be fun either way no matter the topic. What can I say, I have a short attention span so I’m always up for fun! In my case that meant getting stickers all over my body in Lilly her session. As you can see Harper is having a lot of fun putting stickers on my body.

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And dropping my knickers and hitching up my skirt in Molly her session.

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I did learn a lot of new things and one of the fascinating things to see was to see Fearie and Marti do their demonstration. It took some getting into for me (yes easily distracted) but it was enticing to watch. Even lady boner worthy I must say, really was hot to see them together.

The party on Saturday was quite fun and I held my promise to Marie to let her sit on my lap. ( I always keep my word) I even managed to get my hands on a misery stick, many thanks to Domsigns and yes people kept ‘borrowing’ it after I bought it. Might have traumatized a few innocent bystanders with them but overall people were intrigued. I also managed to play geeky games, whoohoo! Hurray for Blacksilk and her boyfriend Crush happily joining in with my geekyness.

Sadly I had to leave during the last session on Sunday but at least I had fun in the morning mocking all the hungover and tired faces. For just 5 hours of sleep in two nights I was surprisingly awake I must say. But you know, if you’re not tired or hungover, or possibly both, you’re doing it wrong!

Once again it was lovely to meet friends, make new ones, listen to awesome people talk, learn new things and experience new things. It was great, can’t wait to next time!