The Blog

So your girlfriend tells you that it’s okay with her if you sleep with other women. Great news, except for the part where you’re a bit socially shy and wanting some connection with a woman before sleeping with her.

The main problem then with going out there and just hitting on women, is that most women aren’t just looking for a ‘fling’. And it’s unfair to lead them on believing you’re looking for a relationship while you just want sex. The whole first paragraph mentions a girlfriend, so you have the relationship thing covered.

Enter the internet, that wondrous land where you can, in the safety of some anonymity, get in touch with potential partners for sex.

So your first challenge is finding a website where you can do this. There are a lot of them and most search engines will give you a lot of options. But wait, almost all of them require that you enter you credit card info, they promise they won’t charge you but that doesn’t make it any easier.

Finally you find a site where you can sign up for free. But the moment you want to send a message you have to pay up. But this woman sent you a nice message, which she probably paid for. So you pay and have some conversation, then you suggest moving the conversation elsewhere and she gets very avoiding, suggesting you buy more points to keep talking.

Well that was a bust, what else have we got. There are actually sites that are free to use and don’t charge you to send messages. Since this is a free site the percentages are about 50% men, 30% couples and 20% women. Though possibly less for the latter two. So much like normal dating sites, women are bombarded by messages and have to filter out the crud. Which requires being all kinds of crafty to get any kind of conversation going. But it tends to get funnier.

There’s a few types of women you can encounter on these sites.

Relationshipseeker, these women are looking for a relationship via a regular sex site, which just boggles the mind.

The jumbo seeker, unless your penis is over 20cm long they’re not interested.

I’m just here to chat, they’re just here to chat, not even sexual at all.

Bisexual, but actually they’re only interested in women.

One time I saw one who was in a relationship but only wanted to talk to men who were single.

Some of these profiles are probably created this way to avoid being harassed, but in truth it doesn’t keep the jerks and pervs out. I’m gullible enough to believe them and respect their wishes.

One major problem is that a lot of profiles tend to be very sparing with information. It’s very hard to be clever or creative in an opening line when there isn’t much information to work with. One has to resort to canned lines to make any kind of opening.

Eventually you find that the most intelligent communities where it’s not as forced are the kinky communities. Which presents another challenge as you’re not that kinky. It’s not that I’m against kinky things, I’m just not ‘that’ into it. And kinky people tend to look for others to explore their kink.

Oh the trials and tribulations of online erotic dating.

It is no secret that Rose is far more kinky than me. Though I have some light interests compared to her I’m practically vanilla. This did cause some tension in the past. While I would try to accommodate her, I just wasn’t into it as much which made it less enjoyable for her.

These days we have something that can best be described as an open relationship. This is not something that happened overnight. It’s something we grew into over time.

In a previous post you can read about how I learned of her adventures and my reaction to them. This was probably the biggest turning point when it came to being more accepting of the open relationship.

At the time she was in Norway and I knew she would want to have some adventures so I already gave her some freedom. The important thing was that at first I set some limitation and she honored them. While she wanted an open relationship she never pushed for one.

I was uncomfortable with the idea partly for a fear of losing her and also that she was getting a lot of attention and I wasn’t. Both were rather stupid reasons.

Her time away quickly taught me that sex wasn’t what made us happy in our relationship. Being together and sharing life was. Secondly making it a competition is just dumb for all kinds of reasons.

She also showed me that she was very picky with who to hook up with and of course shared all the saucy details. Which only helped to turn me on. It was around then that I pretty much accepted it. It made her happy and seeing her happy made me happy.

Ultimately we’re in a place that works for us because we developed an understanding for each other. Plus we’re still planning on doing a lot of things together as well.

For myself as of this writing I have mostly done some online chatting. But no hooking up yet. There’s another post coming on why that is. But I’ve learned that I’m not really in a rush, it’ll happen when it happens. Though Rose is encouraging me.